How Does God View The Family When One Spouse Becomes a Christian?
Scenario: two unbelievers get married and one day one of them becomes a believer in Christ. What should that person do? Do they divorce their significant other? What if they have children? What happens to them?
1 Corinthians 7:12-15
If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
Divorce is never the first resort in the eyes of God. Scripture consistently upholds the sanctity of marriage as a covenantal bond between a man and a woman—a union designed not only for companionship but also for reflecting the faithfulness of God. When one spouse becomes a believer after entering into marriage as an unbeliever, the new faith does not nullify the marital covenant already established. Instead, the believing spouse is called to honor that covenant with grace and patience.
God sees the family unit, including the children, as recipients of His covenantal blessings, even if only one parent comes to faith. The preservation of the marriage, when possible, protects the stability of the home and affirms the holiness that God bestows through a believing spouse. Divorce, though sometimes permitted under specific circumstances, is not the automatic or preferred solution—it brings consequences that ripple through the family and should be approached with deep spiritual discernment.
The Enemy’s Assault on Marriage and Family
While God has established marriage as a holy and enduring covenant, the devil is fully aware of its importance and is actively working to undermine it. Spiritual warfare often begins within the home because marriage and family are foundational to God’s design for human flourishing and spiritual legacy. Satan’s tactics are subtle yet destructive—sowing seeds of resentment, miscommunication, bitterness, and division between spouses. His ultimate goal is to dismantle what God has joined together, knowing that a broken family can leave emotional and spiritual wounds for generations.
Believers must remain vigilant, recognizing that their marriage is not just a personal relationship but a spiritual battleground. Through prayer, patience, and unwavering faith in God's promises, the believing spouse can stand firm against the schemes of the enemy and fight for the preservation and sanctification of their household.
The enemy employs many tactics to weaken marriages and families by attacking the very foundations of love and unity. Lust is a powerful weapon he uses to tempt spouses into infidelity, breaking trust and shattering the marital bond. He also exploits busyness—often through careers or other distractions—to pull partners away from one another, making it easier to neglect the emotional and spiritual needs of the relationship. This busyness can also cause parents to miss critical moments in their children’s lives, undermining the family’s stability.
Anger is another tool the devil wields skillfully, provoking frequent fights and escalating conflict between husband and wife. These tactics are designed to erode intimacy and peace within the home, leaving wounds that affect not only the couple but their children as well. Recognizing these attacks is crucial for believers to protect their marriages through intentional love, communication, and reliance on God’s strength.
The Devastating Consequences of a Broken Family
When marriage breaks down due to conflict, neglect, or sin, the entire family suffers deep and lasting damage. Children often bear the heaviest burden, experiencing trauma that affects their emotional, social, and spiritual development. Without a stable, loving environment and proper guidance, children can struggle to respect authority figures like teachers and law enforcement, increasing their vulnerability to harmful influences. Many find themselves caught in a cycle of brokenness that may lead to legal troubles or life choices that deviate from God’s design.
In today’s culture, children and teens are also exposed to conflicting worldviews and ideologies—such as liberal school teachings and identity confusion—that further cloud their understanding of truth and morality. This confusion creates openings for the enemy to infiltrate young minds, leading some toward exploring lifestyles like same-sex relationships and transgender identities, which can bring more spiritual and emotional turmoil. The ripple effects of broken families illustrate why God’s design for marriage and parenting is so vital to protect and uphold.
The turmoil we see in society today is a clear indication of what happens when people reject God’s moral foundation. The devil relentlessly works to dismantle families, communities, and the very fabric of society by sowing division and confusion. Yet, in the midst of this chaos, God’s love and care stand firm. Like a compassionate father, He understands our weaknesses and offers grace and mercy rather than condemnation.
When one spouse comes to faith, God does not command them to abandon their unbelieving partner or children. Instead, through His mercy, He calls the believer to remain committed, honoring the marriage covenant and allowing His sanctifying power to work within the family. This sanctification is a profound blessing—God sets apart the unbelieving spouse and the children in a special way because of the believing member’s faith. This divine provision preserves peace and offers hope for spiritual transformation within the home.
Understanding Holiness and Sanctification in the Believer’s Life
The word holy means to be set apart, sacred, and distinct—reserved for God’s purposes. It describes something or someone who is pure, morally upright, and spiritually different from the world. The term sanctification shares the same root as holiness and refers to the ongoing process by which God makes us holy. It is His work of purification and separation, setting us apart to fulfill His divine purposes. Sanctification is not a passive event but a spiritual transformation that happens through a partnership between the believer and the Holy Spirit.
While the Spirit empowers and guides us, we actively participate by obeying God, repenting of sin, showing love and forgiveness, serving others, and resisting temptation. Holiness is both a present identity—who we are in Christ—and a future journey—who we are becoming as we grow. God Himself is holy by nature, and through His grace, we are made holy and continue to mature in holiness by walking daily with the Spirit.
One Believer’s Faith Does Not Automatically Save the Household
A commonly misunderstood verse, Acts 16:31, says, “Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.” At first glance, this verse may suggest that when one person in a family comes to faith, everyone else is automatically saved by association.
However, this interpretation is not accurate. Salvation is a personal decision and a matter of individual faith. To truly understand Acts 16:31, it’s important to consider the context of Paul and Silas’s imprisonment. After being jailed for casting out a spirit from a fortune-telling woman, Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns when a miraculous earthquake freed them.
The jailer, fearing the consequences if the prisoners escaped, was about to take his own life—until Paul assured him that everyone was still present. This act of integrity sparked the jailer’s curiosity about the God they worshipped. When he asked, “What must I do to be saved?” Paul answered with the familiar call to “Believe in the Lord Jesus.” But here, Paul was speaking not only to the jailer but to his entire household. What followed was a unique and powerful response: the jailer and all his household heard the Gospel, believed, and were baptized together.
This event illustrates that the phrase “you and your household” in this passage is tied to the specific circumstance where the whole family was reached by the Gospel simultaneously and embraced faith together. This stands apart from the general principle that each individual must personally accept Christ.
While the faith of one believer can have a powerful influence on their family, it does not guarantee the salvation of others. Each person must personally believe in Jesus Christ for salvation. The promise in Acts speaks to the potential impact and blessing that one believer can bring to their household, but it does not override the necessity of personal repentance and faith. This distinction is crucial in understanding how God works within families—granting hope and sanctification, but still calling each individual to a personal commitment to Christ.
Salvation is deeply personal and cannot be passed from one person to another like an inheritance or a transaction. Each individual must personally respond to the Gospel message with faith in Jesus Christ. No one else’s belief or actions can guarantee another person’s salvation—faith cannot be bought, borrowed, or assumed by association. It is an intimate decision to accept God’s gift of grace, repent from sin, and commit one’s life to following Christ.
While a believing spouse’s faith can influence and encourage their family, every person must choose to embrace salvation on their own. This personal response is essential because it reflects an authentic relationship with God, built on trust and surrender rather than mere proximity to a believer.
The Foundation of a Strong Marriage
A powerful analogy shared by a pastor beautifully illustrates the role of God in marriage using a triangle. Imagine a triangle where point A represents God, and points B and C represent the man and woman in the marriage. God is positioned at the center and above the couple. As the husband and wife draw closer to God—moving points B and C upward toward point A—they naturally grow closer to each other as well. This spiritual closeness to God strengthens their bond, creating a relationship grounded in faith, love, and unity.
When a couple puts God first, their love for one another deepens because it is rooted in something far greater than themselves. Conversely, if either partner drifts away from God, the connection between them weakens. This simple yet profound image reveals that a thriving marriage depends on both individuals maintaining a strong relationship with Christ at its core.
1 Corinthians 11:3 reminds us of the God-ordained structure within marriage, emphasizing a divine order of authority—not inferiority. The verse states, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of every wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” This hierarchy reflects a loving, purposeful design where authority flows from God to Christ, from Christ to the husband, and from the husband to the wife.
It is crucial to understand that this order does not imply that the wife is less valuable or inferior; rather, it speaks to roles established for harmony and unity within the family. Each role carries responsibility and honor, with Christ’s leadership serving as the perfect example of sacrificial love and service. When husbands and wives embrace this divine structure, they build a marriage grounded in respect, love, and mutual submission under God’s guidance.
The word submission often carries negative connotations, bringing to mind obedience or subordination as being forced under someone’s authority. However, in a theological context, submission takes on a far richer and more positive meaning. It refers to a voluntary attitude of humility, respect, and willing alignment under God-ordained authority. This kind of submission is never about domination or control but about choosing to honor the structure God has established for the good of the family. Most importantly, it is modeled after Christ’s own submission to the Father—marked by love, trust, and selflessness. When submission is understood in this light, it becomes a beautiful expression of unity and grace within marriage, reflecting the heart of God’s design for relationships.
Without the foundation of Christ’s example and Lordship, the concept of submission can be easily misunderstood or distorted. In a world apart from Christ, submission may be seen as weakness, oppression, or blind obedience, rather than a voluntary and loving act. Without Christ’s model of selfless humility and sacrificial love, submission risks becoming a tool for control or manipulation within relationships. This is why grounding submission in the person and teachings of Jesus is essential—He shows us that true submission is about mutual respect, grace, and service, not domination. When Christ is absent, the beauty and purpose behind submission are lost, leading to confusion and broken relationships.
Submission in marriage does not mean “My way or the highway” but respectful cooperation and willingness to support the husband’s leadership in the family. A healthy Christian marriage is built on both partners being equally yoked in faith, love, and respect. Ideally, decisions are discussed openly and thoughtfully between husband and wife, valuing each other’s perspectives and wisdom.
However, there will be times when they reach a crossroads and a final decision must be made. In these moments, Scripture points to the husband as the head of the household, entrusted with the responsibility to lead and make the call. This leadership is not about asserting power but about lovingly guiding the family in a way that honors God and serves the best interests of the marriage and home. When approached with humility and care, this decision-making dynamic strengthens unity rather than causing division.
As the saying goes, “With great power comes great responsibility.” For a husband to lead effectively, he must grow in maturity both spiritually and practically. Leadership in marriage is not about control but about making wise, godly decisions that honor and protect the family. Without this maturity, a husband risks making poor choices that could harm the marriage and household.
While everyone makes mistakes, what matters is the husband’s overall track record of thoughtful, prayerful leadership. Consistently avoiding decisions or deferring responsibility to the wife is not true leadership—it can cause confusion and imbalance. A mature husband embraces his role by seeking God’s guidance, learning from past errors, and courageously stepping up to lead with love and integrity.
When it comes to raising children, both parents play vital and complementary roles. The father carries the primary responsibility for spiritual leadership in the home, guiding the family in faith and godly direction. At the same time, the mother is equally essential in nurturing, training, and teaching the children, creating a loving environment where they can grow and flourish.
However, healthy submission within marriage and family cannot thrive where there is domination or disrespect. True submission is modeled perfectly by Jesus, who willingly yields His will to God the Father. In parallel, as believers yield their will to Christ, the wife voluntarily yields her will to her husband within the family structure—not as a loss of dignity or voice, but as an act of trust and unity grounded in love.